This project would not be possible if not for Melinda Brown, Caroline Warnemuende,
Gary Rhoades, Ron Schultz, and Jim Dyar.

I would also like to thank the staff at the Redding Bookstore for their support and patience with me through this project.
Also, many thanks to the typists throughout the years and to the many people along the way. Thanks to my parents.
And I would like to thank the people who came to the readings.

Many thanks to all of you. Thanks to Chris Highland and the Homeless Chaplaincy for reprinting this volume

Thank you all.

Shirley Grant
Redding, California
June 2000

AGNES

COLD SOUP

FROM THE HEART OF HAITI
SHE COULDN’T RETURN
SCARS ON HER FACE AND ARMS
SCARS ON HER SOUL
SHE HEARD VOICES
COMMUNICATED WITH SPIRITS
SANG TO THEM, CONJURED THEM
THEY PUT HER ON MEDS,
SHE TALKED, SANG
CONJURED OVER THE MEDS
SHE WAS REALLY BEAUTY
ORIGINAL BEAUTY
AND SHE WOULD SMILE AT ME
AND THAT SMILE WAS LIKE A
BEAM OF LIGHT
IN A DEAD MATERIALISTIC WORLD.

COLD SOUP IN THE DARK
BREAK THE DRIED TOP RAMEN
IN HALF
USE ONE HALF IN THE SOUP
PRETEND THE OTHER HALF IS CRACKERS

BACK DOWN
STAY DOWN

COLD SOUP FROM
WATER OUT OF THE TAP
WHERE YOU SHAVE
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
WASH YOUR ROD AND ANUS
THE SON OF THE SECOND
I AM LISTENING TO THE SOUNDS OF
WALKING BASS
AND COLD SOUP.

IN THE DAYS OF CRACK COCAINE
I WAS ALWAYS STEALING
STEALING FROM MY MEIGHBORS
STEALING FROM MY FRIENDS
STEALING FROM MY FAMILY

PREYING ON THE WORLD
BORROWING MONEY
I HAD NO INTENTION
OR MEANS TO PAY BACK
DOIN’ IN EVERYONE
SELF WILL RUN RIOT

BUT CRACK COCAINE STOPPED
WORKING
I ALMOST DIED, HAD A STROKE
CHASING A HIGH
THAT WASN’T THERE NO MORE

I PRAYED TO GOD
HELP ME
HE DID AND I AM CLEAN NOW
AND I CONTINUED PRAYING
PRAYING FOR MY NEIGHBOR
PRAYING FOR MY FRIENDS
PRAYING FOR MY FAMILY
AND BEING GRATEFUL.

IN FIFTY YEARS I’VE ALMOST SPENT IT ALL UP
ALL OF MY NATURAL RESOURCES
ALL THAT I CAN MUSTER FROM ANY SOURCE
ALL THE LOVE I HAVE
ALL OF MY MATERNAL FEELINGS
MY WOMANNESS
AND ALL OF MY COMPASSION FOR THE DOWNTRODDEN
ALL THE COMMITMENT TO THOSE IN PRISON
ALL OF THIS IS GONE NOW
AND ALL I WANT IS TO LIVE IN PEACE WITH MYSELF
AND SPEND WHAT LOVE I HAVE LEFT
IN THE BEST PLACES, ON THE BEST PEOPLE
AND I DO WANT SOMETHING IN RETURN
I WANT COMPANIONSHIP AND CAMARADERIE
I’M TIRED OF MANIPULATING MY ENVIRONMENT
DON’T GIVE A DAMN IF I EVER SING
DON’T CARE TO BE GLAMOROUS
DON’T CARE ABOUT ALL THE THINGS
I THOUGHT WERE IMPORTANT FOR FIFTY ODD YEARS
PEOPLE SAID I WOULD CHANGE
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD
I WAS EVEN COMMITTED TO THE POINT
OF PUTTING AN EARRING IN MY NOSE
NOW I JUST GET DISGUSTED AT MAN’S INHUMANITY
TO MAN
WITHOUT HAVING TO GO TO A MEETING
AND DISCUSS IT WITH THE POLITICALS
YEH! I COULD SURE USE SOME MORE MONEY
AND A GOOD CAR
I MIGHT EVEN PAMPER MYSELF
AND ALSO KEEP THE COVENANT
RAY FOR MY NEW & MORE PROFOUND COMMITMENT
ASK FOR NEW RESOURCES AND GO AGAIN
BUT UNTIL THEN I SHALL JUST HAVE TO LEARN
PATIENCE WITH WHERE I’M AT
EVEN IF IT’S NOWHERE
AND IT SEEMS TO BE A VERY STRANGE LAND
NOTHING IS FAMILIAR
NOTHING TAKES ON THE AIR OF CONSTANT
TURN IT OVER, THEY SAY, AND I KNEW WHAT “IT” WAS
I’D GLADLY DO JUST THAT
EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WAS IS GONE NOW
EVERYTHING CHANGES EVERY DAY
WHO I THOUGHT I WAS
WHO I THINK I AM
WHO I LOVE
WHAT I THINK
WHAT I KNOW
WHAT I FEEL
AND HERE I AM NOT HAVING ANYTHING
TO INVEST OR SPEND.

THE STREETS ARE PAVED
THE SIDEWALKS WIDE
THE SHOPS ARE BUSY
AND HERE WE SIT ON THE CURB
WITH OUR BELONGINGS AND OUR DOG
“DO YOU HAVE ANY SPARE CHANG?”
MAYBE A QUARTER
“DO YOU HAVE A SMOKE?”
HELL ISN’T ANYWHERE BUT
IN THIS CITY
AND YES, I SMOKE WEED
THE AGONY IS COVERED
AND CLOUDED
AND SOMETIMES WHEN I LAY
DOWN I CAN SMELL CLEAN SHEETS
I ROLL UP MY JACKET
AND PUT IT UNDER MY HEAD
IN THE EUPHORIA HIGH
I THINK MY JACKET IS A SOFT SOFT PILLOW
I DRIFT OFF AND THE MAN COMES
AND NUDGES ME BACK TO REALITY
“YOU CAN’T SLEEP HERE”
I’VE GOT THE MUNCHIES
AND I PULL OUT A PIECE OF
BREAD I GOT AT THE MISSION AT NOON
BUT THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE
MY AMERICAN DREAM
NOTHELL — AMERICA

REFRAIN:
WE ARE ALL ONE PEOPLE,
FROM BEFORE OUR BIRTH
OUR SPORITS ARE TRYING TO UNITE
WE ARE ALL ONE PEOPLE,
WE LIVE UPON THIS EARTH
AND WE’RE TRYING TO FREE OUR
SOULS WITH ALL OUR MIGHT.

WE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE OF THE
HOLY ONE
WE’RE JUST US, NOT YOU OR THEM
OR ME
OUR DIFFERENCE MAKES NO
DIFFERENCE TO OUR SOULS ON
THEIR RETURN
AND WE’LL ALL BE TOGETHER AS THE SEA

REFRAIN:
WE ARE ALL ONE PEOPLE,
FROM BEFORE OUR BIRTH
OUR SPORITS ARE TRYING TO UNITE
WE ARE ALL ONE PEOPLE,
WE LIVE UPON THIS EARTH
AND WE’RE TRYING TO FREE OUR
SOULS WITH ALL OUR MIGHT.